Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
