So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
