Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
