I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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