I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
