I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
