i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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