ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
