I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
