i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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