Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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