why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
