my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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