It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
