There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
