You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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