Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
