since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
