sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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