Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
