Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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