When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
