So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
