i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
