just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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