new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
