i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
