my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
