We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
