You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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