the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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