I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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