I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
