I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
