Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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