Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
