You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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