Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
