Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
