I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
