Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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