Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
