i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
