apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
