just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
