look no pants
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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