I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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