But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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