he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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