We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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