Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
