Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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