i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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