I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
